


healer

by swanfairie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25337884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swanfairie/pseuds/swanfairie
Summary: a monologue from the pov of my original character, jasper.





	healer

**Author's Note:**

> he swears once at the end

I'm always the healer. And not just physically, that's the part I don't mind, I like being able to close up wounds and keep people safe. It's the... It's the emotional part that makes me upset.

If I have an argument, I'm the one that patches things up. Someone has to, and nobody else wants to, so it's my job. I have a system: I keep a warm smile on my face, I talk clearly but softly, and I make sure they know it's okay, everything's okay, they're going to be okay.

And when I'm done, I leave them, and I shut myself up in my room and I cry. I cry for hours, sometimes, shaky and breathless but I always, always keep everything silent. Because if they hear me it'll start up again, and then I'll have to be the healer again, and then I'll cry more.

It's really hard. Harder than most people think. It's hard because you've gotta make sure they're okay before you tend to yourself, and it's hard when you've gotta keep a straight face because half the time you're lying to them. Half the time it's not okay, they've hurt me far more than I've hurt them, but if let them know that they'll storm off and I'll never get them back. 

I'm the healer. I'll be the healer forever. I've accepted that. Everyone forgets those arguments, but not me. I remember. And I try so hard not to hold grudges, but it's difficult when you patch up their scratches and they leave you with a gaping wound.

Sometimes I just want to scream, or break things. I've got all this pent up bitterness in me, I have to get it out somehow. I never do it, obviously, I never do break anything, that'd be bad. I feel so much and then I don't feel anything at all. It's tiring.

Sometimes I want to drop the act, tell the world that I'm done being the only one who ever tries to fix things, that I'm a person too and I'm done with everyone's shit. I'm done being the healer. I'm *done.*

But I never do.


End file.
